I'm Canning the Deadlines

While I certainly enjoyed Julie Powell's ambition and tenacity in real life and as demonstrated in the movie Julie & Julia, where she tackled all the recipes in Mastering the Art of French Cooking in one year, the deadline kept her going and motivated but is proving to have the opposite effect on me. It is causing me to feel overwhelmed and less motivated and perhaps guilty of letting myself and others down for not making more significant progress within my weekly time frames.

I realize now that the curriculum will have to evolve as we go along and that the time line I originally established is way too ambitious. You'll have to forgive me though, I don't have access to
Instructor Manuals for Culinary Studies because the textbook companies require that I give them a professor college code in order to get them. Using a kitchen that is tiny in comparison to an academy or hotel kitchen also sets forth challenges. For instance, I'm not sure my stove will be able to boil 10 gallons worth of stock in a mile high stock pot complete with a spigot.


What's worse is that I have just this past week, proposed skipping really important information in order to get to the stuff that is more exciting for all of us - and that is to get in the kitchen. I know some of it was just sheer excitement over getting to use my new knife sharpener and some of it was cabin fever. But the reality is, it's important information I would be skipping.

In my usual way, when I feel ovewhelmed, I feel like throwing in the towel a little bit. And all I have posted this past week was over-the-top article on the procedure of washing hands. I'm definitely glad it got a few laughs but in between the first sentence and the last, I left out about 8 pages worth of excellent information in my text. And with a tail between my legs, I must admit that I have all but forgotten to go over a few more important chef characters (i.e. Ferdinand Point) and the organization of a professional kitchen.

With a deep sigh, I decided to just lay down on my couch and really read the professionalism and sanitation chapters again. Yep, that information is in the textbook for a reason. As a future chef, it is really important to know the who does what in the kitchen and the difference between a bacteria and a virus and what food handling procedures kill them and which procedures don't. And as a lead student, who has promised to publicly prove my knowledge and skill, I must write about these things. And in my opinion, I think any student following along should also know these things. It's what differentiates the professional from the amateur much the same as in any art. An artist can just get busy painting but their technique could be far improved if they understood the chemical compound of the paint, how they react with light and ultimately the effect on the eye. And, as is often the case, allows the artist to become even more creative and masterful with this knowledge.

As a musician, it helps me to know a composer's biography which gives the music new meaning and ignites a little bit more passion to creatively express the history and emotion of that composer. And therefore, as future masters of the culinary arts, we must know all there is to know about food (including the little buggies that live on our food and how to deal with them).

I do have a child and house to take care of. I play the cello and serve on the board of a very awesome orchestra (www.psnj.org). I have errands to run, a life to manage and a potential interview lined up for a full-time Trainer position. And I really ought to start going to the gym more regularly. None of these activities are supported by a $100,000 tuition, room and board loan. So, I remain busy busy girl managing all facets of life. And I know you are doing the same thing. Therefore, setting weekly deadlines, for this project, will prove to strip away my enjoyment of it.

While my goal is prove my passion and value of a self-studied chef, I also need the studies and writing as my form of therapy, release and peace at the end of the day. Cooking gives me pleasure, writing gives me more pleasure. Combining the two activities takes my mind off of missing my family, loneliness and the stress of life. I need this to be enjoyable. And I love obsessing on every little detail of coffee, a perfect biscuit, the history of Chef Careme, kitchen sanitation and everything else I need to know until I am well-versed on it or have totally mastered the new skill.

One of my favorite scenes in the movie Julie and Julia is when Julia's husband walks into the kitchen and discovers that she has spent the entire day cutting onions. Next to her stands a mile-high pile of onions and an aroma so strong that he has to immediately leave her with her obsession and return later. This is more of what I will be like; spending an entire Saturday to get it right no matter how long it takes or how many truckloads of carrots and onions I will need to cut up. Obsession and perfectionism is a luxury I can't afford at work or in life. So, I will afford that luxury to myself and boil the deadlines into oblivion.

Does this mean I will take two weeks off between lessons? No. (Unless I'm taking a two week long vacation to Fiji with my hot new lover), I will enjoy writing every single day. I never tire of it and I hope you enjoy my obsessive perfectionism. I am taking a great pleasure in the study of professional cooking. I will lavish my tenacious devotion on you all with my writing and failed attempts at sentiment and humor.  For I don't need a deadline, for this, is my forever object of love and passion. :)

With Love,
Michelle