It's Time to Start! This is Our Curriculum! Are You READY?!

I am so excited! Cutting block and knife sharpener is purchased. Chef Jacket shall be acquired this weekend. Thus, on Monday, February 15th, we will begin our first textbook lesson in The Culinary Institute of Our Own Damn Kitchens! I sure hope you are as excited as I am. And I hope you know that yes, I am taking this very seriously. Weaklings, drop out now! Here we go!

At the end of each lesson, I will issue a test. When we start getting into our recipes, I will expect to see photos and videos proving what you can do. You may want to create your blog for this purpose or use a website that I will find (and provide a link) for when you submit them. And of course, as the blind leading the blind, I will provide my photos and videos as my proof to you and you all can grade me. Students teaching themselves and each other! Hey, we are all adults. Just don't whack off my thumb with a knife and we'll all be friends. This will be so much fun! Are you READY?! It's time!!

Our curriculum:


SEMESTER ONE

Week 1: Fake it Till You Make it: All About Being a Chef, History of a Chef, Professionalism, Attire, How to eventually work your broke ass into a good restaurant job.

Week 2: Avoiding the Damn Hospital and those Blasted Lawyers: Safety and Sanitation Rules, Organizing the Kitchen, Storing Pantry Items, Perishables & Cleaners, Understanding Industry Guidelines for Safe Handling Food.

Week 3: Nutrition: Making sure the people you feed don't get scurvy and other explanations as to what is wrong with all of us.

Week 4&5: Don't Be An Idiot: How to plan your menus, learn about different types of menus, Food Math and How not to blow all of your money on wasted food.

Week 6: Equipaje. What you'll need in order to cook properly and why enameled things are illegal.

Weeks 7 & 8: How Not to Cut your Damn Digits: Knife Skills and Intense Practice

Weeks 9, 10 & 11: Understanding Ingredients and their History and Composition with a Focus on Flavor (The Flavor Bible book will be studied)

Weeks 10 & 11: Organize Yourself and Practice What you Preach: Mise en Place and Cooking Methods.

Weeks 11 & 12: Stocks and Sauces and Soups

Weeks 13, 14 & 15:  Beef and Lamb

SEMESTER ONE TEST!

SEMESTER TWO:

Weeks 1 & 2: The Prized Pig

Weeks 3 & 4: Birds: Poultry & Game

Weeks 5 & 6: Fish and Shellfish

Weeks 7 & 8: Eggs

Weeks 9 & 10: Vegetables

Weeks 11, 12 & 13: Potatoes, Grains & Pasta

Weeks 14 & 15: Salads & Salad Dressings

SEMESTER TWO TEST!

SEMESTER THREE:

Weeks 1 & 2: Fruits

Weeks 3 & 4: Sandwiches

Weeks 5 & 6: Charcuterie (Pates, Terrines and Galantines)

Weeks 7 & 8: Hors d'Oeuvre and Canapes

Week 9: Getting Our Damn Bakeries Ready and Making Sure We Understand All The Baking Basics

Week 10: Quick Breads

Weeks 11, 12 & 13: Yeast Breads

Weeks 14 & 15:  Pies, Pastries and Cookies

SEMESTER THREE TEST!

SEMESTER FOUR:

Weeks 1, 2 & 3: Cakes and Frostings

Weeks 4, 5 & 6: Custards, Creams, Frozen Desserts and Dessert Sauces

Weeks 7 & 8: Making Plates Look Pretty

Weeks 9, 10 , 11 & 12: Feeding a Crowd: All About Buffets, Parties and Huge Events (Not Jimmy Buffett).

Weeks 13, 14, 15: Apprenticeship, Starting Out, Practice Weak Areas for Finals and Finals!

Graduation Ceremony in Somebody's Backyard or House and Party in AC Baby!

Throughout our course, I hope to make friends along the way and perhaps some willing souls that may let us learn a thing or two in their commercial kitchens. In the meantime, go get your knife sharpeners and your chef jackets and hats now. Get whatever color you like and as for hats, hankies, nets...whatever keeps your damn hair outta my food! Happy Learning!